Lost my Dad April 1,2020, no joke! I watched my father who was strong and tuff and he was like Iron man..No lie.. He had the best sense of humor but he was stubborn as a bull too.. He was my father and dammit, and I miss him so much and I get angry, because well you know I wish I could have saved him. I wish he was not so stubborn, but he wouldn't let anyone give him any ideas or advice and he only listened to doctors who didn't even love him like I did! That is where my anger is at. I watched him die before my eyes and I watched him wither in pain. I had to administer the pain medicine that finally gave him peace and I had to let him go. No hospice in site due to the cornovirus me and my Mom and my fiance' were all alone in hell. Wonderful hospice place they came in lied to us told us we would have help and then left when we needed them most. Sorry we cant be back for 2 weeks due to the cornovirus. What! bait and switch that is what they did. My dad and none of us had cornovirus! It was so awful my father was dying and nobody would help us we were all alone. Didn't know what to do.. Didn't know how to handle death or someone dying. We had to look up you tube videos to figure out equipment that came to the house and how to operate it. We became Hospice and I have no idea how we all got through it... I still dont want to remember him the way he was, and the nightmare of it all. But the memory of him lying in his bed haunts me and seeing my strong and wonderful father wither away is beyond pain its dark. It hurts...really hurts. And yes I dont believe there is not cure for this awful disease cancer and that makes me angry because it just keeps on taking people I love, while the doctors and big pharma just keep on getting rich feeding people poison.. Sorry had to release my pain. I pray for you all during this time and hope you never have to go through what has happened to my family.. I will most likely need therapy after all of this and I'm not ashamed and I hope if your reading this and you have gone through a lot dont ever be ashamed to seek out help. God bless, so sorry I'm done.

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I lost my oldest son exactly 2 weeks ago today from cancer. He was diagnosed in Feb of 2020, was given 8 months and that is as long as he lasted, he passed Oct. 28, 2020 at 2 a.m. Fortunately our hospice help was a blessing. I watched my strapping 280 lb. son who had a great job, jusr got his Harley on the road wither away to a mere 115 lbs. My daughter and I slept in chairs in his room to administer his meds rectally. The last day, his morphine was administered every hour, double the amount. Every time I pushed that syringe I felt guilty, but I knew he needed to pass peacefully. We are having his Mass and Celebration of Life this Sunday, Nov. 15 on what would have been his 52nd birthday. There is a hole in my heart, I will miss him every single day, but his pain is gone. He fought till the end. Cancer is an ugly disease.


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