My fiance just passed oct 16, 2020 while in my arms and I really feel like most of me went with her the other night. She was only 31 and lost her fight with aml leukemia. We have a 12 yr old daughter (step to me but shes my baby girl and i AM daddy) and this all just barely started less than a year ago. It was so fast and aggressive. Was so hard to watch. My Alana was a fighter. Always up for a challenge and never one to lose. The night I met her 11 years ago was by such random chance yet it changed my entire world. I know my daughter needs me right now but to be honest, im scared as hell I won't be able to do it. So many things we did not get to finish. Ive never really experienced loss. 35 yrs and only my great grandmother. Sad yes and we were somewhat close but she was in her mid 80s. My girl was only 31! We were just getting started! She gave me so much from our time together. She made into the man I am today. She also was the fuel that kept me going. Im close with my daughter and I know how bad I'm hurting right now. I cant even begin to fathom how she must feel losing her mother at such a young age. Neither of my girls deserve this. I don't even know where to begin. Ive been working so hard this past year to fix up my credit so we could finally buy a house of our own. A place to call home. We both had hard lives growing up so this was our dream. We had everything but a home to call ours. I was less than a yr away and just as soon as she could taste it, our world comes crashing down. Can't eat sleep think drive....i cant even keep it together long enough to order a coffee at dunks. Im so scared, sad, and lost. She WAS my life. I can't even imagine doing anything without her. Im a mess, daughter's a mess, even our dog daisy is not right Everyone says at least she was home and in your arms when it happened but that doesn't really help how I feel. Not at all. I always fixed our problems. Always saving the day. Having to watch her slowly die a little more each day this yr and not be abke to fix it ... really messed me up good inside. Idk if I can even recover from this

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I am so sorry for your lost, I lost my boyfriend five months ago and it still feels like yesterday. I found him unconsius in the tub and had ti give him CPR, he was pronounced death that bight at our home.
This was not expected, he was 38 abd had a hearth attack .
What helps me is my faith in God , my familys suport and my friends.
Take care of yourself and take time to grieve. Life has change and we will slowly get stronger , you have a daughter to look after , you will give each other the strenght to continue .


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